So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
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