Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
