The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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