when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
