hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
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