Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
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