the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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