Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
