Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
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