dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
Randomize
