you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Randomize
