I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
Randomize
