Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
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