it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
