i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
