so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
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