Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
question - sack: should she or should she not play with it during foreplay?
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
Randomize
