Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
