When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
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