Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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