He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
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