Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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