I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
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