first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
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