i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Randomize
