the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
jump out the window naked night went bad
Randomize
