Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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