I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Randomize
