Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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