We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Randomize
