Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
you didnt know i had herpes?
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Randomize
