He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
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