overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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