Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
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