We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
