I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
He did a backflip because drugs
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Randomize
