She is in my trunk
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Randomize
