You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
