just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
Randomize
