So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
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