why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
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