My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Randomize
