Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize
