apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
Randomize
