he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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