tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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