When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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