The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize
