i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Randomize
