We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Randomize
