Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Shame - the story of my life.
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