What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
