Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
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