I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Randomize
