CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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