kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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